Friends

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3 Mutuals You Need For Career Success (NEVER Treat Employers Like Friends Or Family Again!)



There are three mutuals you need to have with your employer, and if you don't have them, then you could find yourself in more than a few situations where you're really unhappy, especially when interest rates, inflation, and cost of living are up, salaries are going down, turnover is crazy, and everyone's frustrated.

You want to have three mutuals with an employer because that will allow you to build a solid partnership (not a relationship—you should never treat employers like friends or family!). Here are the three mutuals you should live and die by in your career, and why they're so important...

Trust, Respect, And Benefit: 3 Mutuals For A True Partnership


The first mutual you need with your employer is trust. The second mutual is respect. And the third mutual is benefit.

When you have mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual benefit, you have a true partnership, not a relationship. They're not your friends. They're not your family. You have a true and equitable partnership, and that is what you're always striving for.

Now, if you're sitting in this partnership and all of a sudden one day something feels off or you're not happy, take a step back and ask yourself, "What's changed?"

  • Did the trust factor change?
  • Did the respect factor change?
  • Did the benefit factor change?

Be honest with yourself. Then, if you can identify what it is, have a conversation with your boss and talk about how the mutual trust was broken or the mutual respect was broken or the mutual benefit was broken. Calmly and rationally talk about how you can get it back on track to an equitable partnership. And if you can't, then guess what? You know it's time for you to go find your next partnership (your next job). No hard feelings. You gave it a try. You tried to fix the partnership. The partnership didn't work. You're moving on.

When I coach Work It DAILY members, they learn to take the emotion out of this situation. They look at the partnership. They build an equitable partnership. They nurture that partnership. And if for some reason it changes, they try to fix it. And if it doesn't get fixed, they go find a new partnership.

If you adopt this mindset in your career, your career will change for the better. You will have so much more power over your career success. But let me let you in on a little secret. You don't just naturally get there. You don't just set out and go, "Okay, from now on, I'm just going to hold out until I get one of these partnerships with the three mutuals." You need to put in the work. You need to change your approach to job search. You need to know your unique value add. You have to put in the time to completely shift yourself from being an employee who feels like they have golden handcuffs on to being a business-of-one who knows how to run their business-of-one and get the trust, respect, and benefit they want and deserve.

You do not need to be a victim. You can be the hero of your career story. And it starts with building that partnership with your employer. It starts with mutual trust, respect, and benefit.

Good luck, and go get 'em!

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3 Mutuals You Need For Career Success …

How To (Not) Talk About Your Job Search Stress During The Holidays



The holidays can be really stressful for job seekers, especially for those who are between gigs right now (I won't call it "unemployed"). It's stressful because you're with your family and everybody asks, "So how's your job search going?" or "Where are you in your job search?"

Family and friends also tend to give a lot of really horrible, unsolicited advice on how to look for a job:

  • "Well, you should walk right in and knock on doors."
  • "Are you sending out 100 applications a day?"

These are bad job search techniques, and yet these people likely haven't looked for work in a while or are super old school. And while they're trying to be well-intentioned, all they're doing is stressing you out.

Set Boundaries With Your Family During The Holidays


So, as someone who's been coaching people through this for many years, my advice is to be prepared to set your boundaries. When somebody asks about your job search, you can say...

"I love that you're thinking of me. I promise you, my job search is under control. I'm taking a well-deserved day off today to celebrate with family and just want to talk about other things. But I promise you, I'm working with a career coach and all is good.

By setting boundaries, you're shutting them down. You're letting them know you appreciate their kind thoughts, but you're not going there today.

It's important for you to set boundaries with family, friends, and anyone else in your life who is bound to ask about your job search. People have to understand that they are overstepping and being inappropriate.

They always say people treat you the way you let them. So be prepared. Have that answer, rehearse it, practice it in the mirror. Make sure you've got a smile on your face so you don't look angry or defensive—but shut the questions down.

If they ask you again, or they start to give you advice, or they don't listen to you, say, "You know, I really don't feel like talking about this right now. I'm just trying to enjoy my day." And if they still keep talking about it, turn on your heel and walk away. We've got to learn to stand up for ourselves.

Good luck with your holiday job search! Go get 'em!

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5 Steps To Easily Connect With Your Co-Workers



Being the newest member of an office can be pretty challenging. It's almost like in high school when you're the new kid on the block. Everyone's looking at you but you're not sure if they're going to be friends or foes.

So, you carefully gauge how to become part of the group. Keep in mind that you're joining a workplace that already has established dynamics. You can't just come in and say, "Hey, let's be friends. I can take over some of your tasks." You should get to know everyone first, observe how they interact, and decide on what you can do to earn your co-workers' trust.

We all know that things get done in a more efficient and pleasant manner when you get along with the people you work with. Being friends with your co-workers is a priceless benefit that could even spell the difference between you staying in the office for years or bolting for the door in just a few weeks.

Here are five ways to bond and connect better with your co-workers:

1. Make An Effort Outside The Office


Coworkers bonding outside the office at lunch

When you can, make an effort to mingle with your co-workers after office hours or during meetings. You can get a quick bite and talk about what happened at work that day. Ask them about their neighborhood ("Have you lived there long?"), their families ("How many kids do you have?"), and their interests ("Are you into snowboarding?").

Be curious about your co-workers, but don't be intrusive. They will share more information with you once you gain their trust. It also helps if you volunteer information about yourself—but nothing too intimate or too shocking, okay?

2. Stop Complaining About Work


Happy coworkers getting along at work

Unless you're all sitting around releasing tension about the stress you all experience at work, it's best if you don't bring up negative things about the workplace.

You might be stressed but that's no reason to dump all your frustrations on your co-workers. There are different strategies for handling stress that don't involve annoying the people you work with. After all, you're all working for the same company. Even if you don't really like the way things are done, some of your co-workers may have different opinions.

3. Look For Common Ground


Two coworkers having a conversation on their break

A great way to find out more about your co-workers is to connect on social media. On Facebook, for instance, you can easily see what groups they're in and what shows they watch.

You can start a conversation during downtime at work about any of these things. You can ask, "Who's your favorite character on The Walking Dead?" or "Oh, your grandparents are from Ireland? Mine are too."

It may start out as small talk but it may also pave the way for a long-lasting friendship that goes beyond the workplace.

4. Collaborate On Projects


Coworkers bond while collaborating on a project

Obviously, you can't do everything alone. When working on a project, see which tasks you need help with. Seek out your co-workers' guidance—the senior staff members, especially—because they often have a better or faster way of doing things. Identify your co-workers' strengths and ask for their help on matters that need their expertise.

For instance, you can ask your office accountant to take a look at your financial report. You can say, "I need a fresh pair of eyes. Please have a look if you're not busy." Emphasize that you value your co-workers' input but make it clear that you're not totally dependent on them. You'll earn their respect if you show that you're capable and good at what you do.

5. Share Credit (Don't Hog All The Glory)


Happy coworkers connecting and working together as a team

Don't claim that you did everything, especially when you didn't. For example, when your boss praises you for a good idea that didn't actually come from you, you can say, "That wasn't my idea. It was Kelly's."

If you're still apprehensive about being accepted by your co-workers, just remember to do your job efficiently and promptly. Then, top it off with being nice and sincere. You certainly can't go wrong with that strategy.

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5 Steps To Easily Connect With Your …



Do you have friends at work? You don't have to be friends with everyone you work with, but making meaningful connections in the workplace improves collaboration, productivity, and job satisfaction. Also, your work environment becomes more positive and supportive when you have friends in the workplace. If you're starting a new job or simply haven't made any friends at work yet, what can you do to connect with others and make a friend or two?

We recently asked our leading executives for their best tips on how to make friends at work.

Here are their responses...

Ana Smith, Leadership Development & Learning Strategist


Making friends at work, especially in a hybrid work environment, requires a combination of social skills, communication, and genuine interest in others. Here are some expert tips to help you build strong friendships with your colleagues in a hybrid world:

  1. Participate in Social Activities: Engage in both virtual and in-person social activities organized by your company or colleagues. These can include team-building events, online coffee breaks, virtual happy hours, or in-person outings. Participating in these activities provides opportunities to connect with your coworkers in a relaxed setting.
  2. Active Communication: Make an effort to communicate regularly with your colleagues, both online and offline. Utilize instant messaging platforms, emails, and virtual meetings to stay connected with remote colleagues. In the office, take time to have casual conversations and get to know your coworkers on a personal level.
  3. Express Interest in Others: Show genuine interest in your colleagues' lives, interests, and hobbies. Ask them about their weekend plans, hobbies, or any personal projects they are working on. Active listening and remembering details about their lives can help strengthen your connections.
  4. Be Approachable and Friendly: Create an approachable and friendly demeanor. Smile, use positive body language, and be receptive to conversations with your coworkers. A warm and welcoming attitude can encourage others to approach you and initiate conversations.
  5. Find Common Interests: Discover shared interests with your colleagues. Whether it's a hobby, a favorite TV show, or a sport, having common ground can serve as a great conversation starter and strengthen your bond.
  6. Offer Help and Support: Be supportive of your coworkers and offer help when needed. Collaborating on projects or assisting with challenges can create a sense of camaraderie and mutual respect.
  7. Organize Informal Gatherings: Take the initiative to organize informal gatherings, whether it's a virtual game night, a lunch meetup, or a casual walk during breaks. These gatherings can help foster a sense of community among colleagues.
  8. Respect Boundaries: While building friendships, it's essential to be respectful of colleagues' boundaries and professional space. Some individuals may prefer to keep their personal and professional lives separate, so be mindful of their preferences.
  9. Celebrate Milestones and Achievements: Acknowledge your colleagues' milestones and accomplishments. Congratulate them on their successes, both personally and professionally, and celebrate special occasions like birthdays or work anniversaries.
  10. Be Patient and Consistent: Building meaningful friendships takes time, so be patient and consistent in your efforts. Keep nurturing your connections and be willing to invest in maintaining these relationships.

Remember, making friends at work in a hybrid world requires adapting to different communication channels and being proactive in reaching out to both in-person and remote colleagues. By fostering a supportive and inclusive work environment, you can create lasting friendships that enhance your overall work experience.

Ana Smith helps people & organizations achieve their full talent potential by developing and co-creating people strategies and customized solutions, and turning them into impactful outcomes and collaborative relationships, using coaching as the "red thread."

Lisa Perry, Global Marketing Executive


Happy coworkers/friends at work

Having that go-to work buddy you can rely on to vent about your boss or cheer for those big victories—it’s the best thing! Friends at work contribute to job satisfaction, collaboration, productivity, and well-being. According to a Gallup survey, women with a best friend at work are twice as likely to be engaged in what they're doing. Making friends with coworkers is a valuable skill that can enhance your career experience and create a positive work environment. Most importantly, it can make you happy!

Here are a few pointers, whether you're starting a job or wanting to make friends in your current role:

  • Foster Approachability & Positivity: Creating a welcoming and approachable demeanor is the first step to making friends at work. Great your coworkers with a warm smile, engage in small talk that conveys authentic interest, and steer clear of consistent complaints or engaging in office gossip to maintain a positive atmosphere.
  • The Power of Small Gestures: Begin by learning people’s names and incorporating them into conversations to create a positive impact right from the start. Next, invest your time in celebrating important milestones such as birthdays, work anniversaries, and personal achievements to show appreciation for your coworkers.
  • Participation Is Key: Embrace involvement in various activities from team-building initiatives and company-sponsored events to casual social gatherings, as these opportunities offer an excellent avenue for establishing meaningful connections with your coworkers.
  • Shared Interests as a Bonding Foundation: Seek out common areas that resonate with you and your coworkers. Whether it’s shared workplace challenges or mutual hobbies, these share elements can lay the groundwork for nurturing meaningful connections.
  • Extend a Helping Hand: Support your coworkers by lending a hand with projects. This collaboration effort underscores your teamwork capabilities and provides a platform to foster genuine workplace friendship.

Incorporating these strategies into your workplace interactions can enrich your well-being, underscoring the significance of cultivating meaningful friendships at work.

Lisa Perry helps companies build leadership brands, driving loyal customers & delivering profitability. She does this through a process that builds brands consumers love. Her goal is to help companies develop, monetize, and grow their brands.

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Executive Spotlight: How To Make Friends At …



We all have career ups and downs throughout our life. In many cases, these ups and downs are just part of a natural progression. But in other cases, they are caused by factors out of our control. One thing that always helps during situations like these is kindness.

Whether it's kindness from a friend or kindness to yourself, it's the small acts of kindness that help us get through life's most difficult challenges. When going through a career challenge, these acts of kindness can make a huge difference:

Listen


Professionals listen to a friend talk to help him through a career challenge

Do you have a friend, family member, or former colleague going through a career crisis? Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen!

It's never a good idea for people to let things bubble up inside to the point where it consumes them. Everyone needs to vent sometimes.

However, there is a balance. While you want to lend an ear, you also don't want it to get to the point where the other person is feeling sorry for themselves and it turns into a pity party.

If you're able to offer advice based on your own personal experience, you should share it. But if you're not in a position to offer advice, try to offer some motivational words of encouragement or share a resource that may help.

Share Your Network


Young professional on laptop thinks about introducing two colleagues

You never know when a new connection may lead to a new career opportunity! With that in mind, think about the difference you could make in someone's life by introducing them to just one connection from your professional network.

Maybe you have a friend looking to break into the healthcare industry and you know the perfect professional to introduce them to. It doesn't have to be industry specific; sometimes particular people are just good resources and mentors for others.

Such introductions are usually made at networking events, but introducing connections through LinkedIn works just as well.

Share Content


Man on laptop shares content with his professional network to help others

Will live in an era where content is abundant and diverse, and similar to introducing a new connection, you never know when a single piece of content could have a positive impact on someone.

The best part about sharing content is the fact that it's easy. It's as simple as sharing an article on LinkedIn or writing your own.

Sometimes these industry and career-related articles can reach hundreds of people based on how many times they are shared. The information within the shared content could prove valuable to some. You never know!

Give A Reference


Woman on laptop writes a reference for a colleague

Obviously, you don't want to give a professional reference or LinkedIn endorsement to just anyone. But if the person asking is worthy of it, then it's a wonderful thing to do for someone.

A good resume and cover letter can get a person in the door for an interview, but once they're there it's how they handle the interview and their character that ultimately helps to set them apart from the competition,

Many employers use professional references as a way to get a sense of a person's work ethic and character. If you enjoyed working with someone and appreciated their work ethic, then giving them a reference will not only help them out, but it will make you feel good as well.

Pay It Forward


Co-workers share a laugh during a meeting after agreeing to buy coffee

It's important to remember that whenever someone helps you in your career, you should find a way to pay it forward, either to the person who helped you out or to someone else. This should work both ways; hopefully, someone who you helped out in their career will return the favor as well.

The act of paying it forward—responding to an act of kindness with another act of kindness—is something that doesn't just apply to career, but to life.

Any act of kindness throughout the day can make a huge difference in someone's life. Even something as simple as paying for someone's coffee.

You can pay it forward by recommending Work It Daily to a friend.

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5 Acts Of Kindness To Help Get …

Leaving Friends Behind: What To Consider When You Leave Your Job



A few times in my career, I have made the conscious choice to leave a position, and once that decision was made for me. As I read about layoffs, recession, and turmoil in the workplace, I think about these moments.

The Buddhists have a tenant about “impermanence.” Nothing is permanent or forever. Everything changes moment by moment each day. Working for a company is the same… it will not be forever regardless of your choice or someone else's decision. At some point, you will move on.

Meeting People During Your Career


New employee makes friends at work

When you spend one-third or more each year at work, you will meet many people. Acquaintances, colleagues, and friends will pass through your life. The friends make it difficult when you leave.

I have a few friends who I have known throughout my career. People I talk to regularly throughout my life, and some I have not seen in years. However, I can call or email these people at any moment, and I know they are there for me. Despite leaving them behind when I moved jobs, I am still grateful these people are in my life.

Colleagues who I have not seen in many years are pleasant surprises. Hearing from them at random times, I enjoy the memories brought back with each encounter. I am also grateful when someone thinks fondly of our time together in the past. I take a lot of meaning from these brief encounters.

Thousands of acquaintances have also passed through my life. The world is a smaller place every day, and occasionally I cross paths with one of these people. I enjoy reconnecting with these brief encounters and reliving a part of my past.

Leaving Is The Hardest Part…


Woman talks to a coworker

​I confess, when the decision comes to move on, I find it very difficult to leave the people. These friends made my time with the company enjoyable. We accomplished some great things! We worked through difficult times and still achieved great results. Even in the darkest of hours, we found ways to have fun and persevere. These connections are the most difficult.

Although I want to believe I will always be in contact with these special people, life creates challenges. I do not see these people often enough, and I do not connect as often as I like. I even feel guilty at times about growing apart. However, the true friends will always be there, and we can drop back into our connection very easily.

Difficult Choices


Man thinks about leaving his job

If you are left with the difficult choice to move on and do something different, know two things. First, those who really care and respect you will remember your time. They will appreciate the work you accomplished. They will remain connected. They will be your friends for a long time. Second, true friends will be happy and supportive of your decision to make a change. They will congratulate you and support your choice. They may not like it or feel left behind; however, they will understand.

Although you feel guilty for leaving, remember those who mean something to you will remain in your life. When you make a connection, it will not break because you are leaving a situation. The friendship will persevere.

Leaving your friends will weigh upon you in making your decision to leave. This feeling is normal. Embrace it because these people made a difference in your life. Know that true friends will always be there no matter how far apart you grow.

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Leaving Friends Behind: What To Consider When …

5 Reasons Why You Don’t Have Friends At Work



As humans, we need some form of social interaction (some of us more than others). However, we all do need and thrive on the simple act of connecting to people.

For the majority of us, our social fabric is created through work. We see these people every day. We have work in common. We get to know them in ways the spouses and significant others simply don't. When we leave these people due to job change, it can be painful.

Yet, despite all this social goodness that work can bring, what happens when it doesn't happen to you? What do you do when you don't have friends at work? No one to save you space at a meeting or light up when you enter a room? It happens, and when it does, there's no lonelier place to be. It can be so impactful that it can cause a person to look for another job.

Here are situations you may be facing and what you can do about them:

You're New In The Office


Young man setting up his desk in a new office.

You may think you're past due for connecting with people in a deeper way at work. Sometimes the dynamic is such that it simply takes a while and ongoing persistence to break through.

You Got Off On The Wrong Foot With Your Co-Workers


Young man getting off on the wrong foot with his coworker in the office.

It doesn't matter if you were misinterpreted. Somehow you did something right off the bat that got you sideways with many of your peers. If you did do something wrong, make amends and don't do it again.

Being the bigger person takes courage, but you will win friends. If there is nothing to make amends for, stay friendly and ignore the undertow. It will eventually fade.

The Work Cliques Are Too Strong To Penetrate


Young man looking sad at his desk as his coworkers laugh and talk behind him.

Just like high school, there are work situations where you are the outsider and will stay that way for an indefinite period of time. Most likely these people have worked together for a while and the bond is tight. They probably don't realize how unfriendly they may seem.

You need to be friendly and make efforts to get to know each person at an individual level. It may take some big work event, like a year-end close, to be the final catalyst that forms the bond. There's nothing like being in the trenches with people to nail the trust and support.

You're Not A Cultural Fit


Young woman looking sad at her desk because she's not making friends at work as quickly as she'd like.

That feels like a hard message, but it truly is not personal. We all have values and work styles we wear like a suit. They are out there for everyone to see and experience. Many times, when we aren't a cultural fit, we are out of step with the people we work with.

This makes it hard to form friendships. If you aren't a cultural fit, you need to admit it and move on. It not only won't help form friendships, but it won't help your career either.

You're An Introvert Who's Turning More Inward


Introverted young man sitting separate from his coworkers in a break room.

For an introvert, it can be tough to push yourself toward people you don't know. When an introvert is surrounded by 'strangers,' it's easy to retreat even further. You could appear kind of wonky and unapproachable, making it difficult for co-workers to approach you.

You've set up your own lonely situation and only you can make your way out. To make it less overwhelming, simply focus on one or two people with whom you feel some form of affinity, and focus on getting to know them. It will help you overall and will become a catalyst for forming more relationships.

Workplace relationships can make or break a job. They can nourish you and help you excel in your career if they are healthy workplace relationships. When those bonds are not forming, it can make you feel very lonely. But there are things you can do to improve the situation. You need patience and a friendly smile.

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5 Reasons Why You Don’t Have Friends …

How To Make Friends With Ambitious People



If you’re trying to take yourself and your life to the next level, it makes a lot of sense to aim higher when it comes to making friends. The right friends will support you emotionally and provide practical help along the way.

If you have exciting friends that aren’t as ambitious as you are, chances are that they’re unconsciously holding you back. You don’t have to stop seeing them; your best bet is to focus on building friendships with new people. If you want to make friends with ambitious people, read on.

In this article, I would like to share with you three important steps. These steps will help you go to the next level in your social life, meet many ambitious and interesting people, and have them stick around for a long time.

Step #1 – Take Control Of Your Social Life (Don’t Leave It To Chance!)


People seem to leave their friendship life to chance, more often than not. While that probably worked well when you were a kid, it most certainly won’t work for you as an adult. With no college or school to facilitate new friendships, you need to be proactive about it. This means that you get conscious and curious about friendship and how it works—consciously make time, every week, for meeting new people, staying in touch, and hanging out with them.

Studies have shown that the influence other people have on you is strong; your destiny literally depends on the people you hang out with. This is why it’s important to have a clear idea of the kind of people you want to have in your life. All you have to do is make a general list of qualities, attributes, or activities that you want in your future friends. It doesn’t have to be definitive; it’s just a guide for your mind. You can start by listing qualities like "healthy," "ambitious," "honest," "productive," "fun," "interesting," etc.

Step #2 – Adopt These Winning Social Habits


Man shakes someone's hand while networking

Success in your friendship life means that you don’t only use the tips once in a while; it means that you adopt the easy new habits that will work on a consistent basis. The first habit is to go meet new people every month. The way to do that is to join a local community that meets up once or twice every month. Try a few that you can find on meetup.com and decide on the one that has the kind of people you'd like to get to know better. In general, go where meeting people is easy; focus on places like trade shows, cultural or charitable events, seminars and talks, and so on.

The second habit is to dedicate at least one hour every week to reaching out to people in your network. You can put it in your calendar; it can be something like every Wednesday at 7 p.m. Early in the week is better. Contact and network with important/strategic LinkedIn connections during this hour. This habit will make sure you don’t lose touch with your existing friends, and follow up with the new people you meet.

The third habit is to decide what you’re going to do over the weekend ahead of time. When it’s time to reach out to people, plan ahead and decide on what you want to do; suggest that plan to those you want to see. This is why it’s important that you contact people early enough in the week, when they haven’t already decided what to do on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

Step #3 – Build A Social Circle


Group of friends eat dinner together

Making friends can be time-consuming if you don’t optimize your efforts. If you’re always the one calling and making plans, then you’re not going to be doing it for very long. The best way to tackle this is to focus on forming groups of friends, instead of having a bunch of friends that don’t know each other. I recommend that you always introduce the people that you know to each other, especially if they’re of the ambitious kind. After they meet once or twice, a new group emerges, and you now have a circle of friends. When that happens, they start to call and make plans as well, which means you’ll have more time to contact and make plans with people that you don’t know that well.

As you meet new people, introduce them to the existing group, and make it bigger. If you prefer to meet in small groups, this is a great strategy as well; you can still meet two or three people at the same time, even if your social circle has dozens of people in it.

These three steps will get you started on having ambitious, resourceful friends that will help you succeed, introduce people to you, and emotionally support you when you need it. What’s really important is to open your mind to learning about friendship, how it works, and how you can apply that information to your life.

We understand how difficult it is to make new friends, especially as an adult. The good news is, at Work It Daily, we provide you with a safe and supportive place where you can meet new people and network with like-minded professionals!

If you're struggling to make ambitious friends, we'd love it if you joined our FREE community. It’s a private, online platform where workers, just like you, are coming together to learn and grow into powerful Workplace Renegades.

Join our FREE community today to grow your professional network and make new friends!

This article was originally published at an earlier date.

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How To Make Friends With Ambitious People

6 Ways To Deal With Family Asking About Your Job Search



If you're in the middle of a frustrating job search, the holidays can be the worst time of year for you. It may not exactly bring out the best in you when old Auntie June keeps asking why you haven't found a job yet. So, what should you tell your family and friends over the holidays (or at any get-together) when they badger you about your job search?

Before you pull out your hair, check out these tips from our experts:

1. Move Away From The Subject


When you're visiting with an old relative, there always seems to be that uncomfortable point in the conversation when you're asked about your "situation" with work. Instead of grinding your teeth and getting upset, politely tell Uncle Roy you appreciate his concern, assure him you're continuing your search, and tell him you'll let him know when you're situation changes for the better.

"Since it's the holiday season, [tell them] you would prefer for the time to enjoy their company rather than focusing on job search activities," says professional resume writer, Debra Wheatman.

"You can move away from the topic by shifting to something related to how they are doing and what is going on in their lives." Lisa Adams, job search strategist and speaker, says to go about changing the subject gently, as they are only asking about your search because they care. Here's how she handled the situation while her husband was in transition:

"I so appreciate you asking. We are doing fine. We have some things in the works but we are choosing not to discuss them at this time. When we have an offer and know where we will land, you will absolutely get the word."

Then, Adams suggests tactically moving on to asking about them. "Talking about light-hearted topics that make everyone laugh or smile is always good," she says. "Who couldn't use that? I'll tell a funny story about my youngest son who is a comedian by nature and is always doing something humorous. Give it a try."

2. Realize They Do It Because They Care


Woman announces her husband is looking for a new job

After being asked about your job search efforts for the fifth time, it can be hard to remember that your family is just trying to help. "See the question for what it truly is: care and concern for your well-being," says Ben Eubanks, founder of UpStartHR. "I remember getting tired of answering the question for people when I was job searching, but they only ask because they care about your career success. Use it as a chance to practice your elevator speech and enjoy the time with family and friends." So, even if it's hard, try to be patient and treat them with respect.

3. Make Them Feel Helpful


Family members ask about man's job search

Your friends and family probably have the best of intentions by asking about your job search, but it can be frustrating when they continue to badger you about your employment prospects. To keep the peace, thank them for checking in with you, but let them know that your job search is proving to be more challenging than you had hoped.

Amanda Haddaway, author of Destination Real World: Success After Graduation for New and Soon-to-Be College Graduates, suggests using their concern as a positive and asking them if they have any contacts in your field or know of any openings that might be in line with your skill set. "Chances are good they really do want to help, but don't know how," she says. "If you can engage them as a 'job search helper,' it might turn out to be a win-win situation."

4. Keep Your Answers Short, But Positive


Man talks about his job search

When we say "short," we don't mean snappy, one-word answers. You can craft a short, to-the-point response that will satisfy most family members.

Leadership and management career coach Dorothy Tannahill-Moran says to keep your responses short and upbeat or they may slip into "problem-solving mode" if you aren't careful. "If they continue to probe after your short answer," she says, "remain consistent with short, upbeat responses. We often think under these circumstances that we need to get detailed but if you think about many other conversations, especially around Thanksgiving time (with loads of people), they are usually fairly superficial and short."

Don Goodman, a certified resume writer, suggests saying something like this: "It's going well, but I am being choosey about who I join next and I haven’t found the right firm yet."

5. Set Boundaries


Woman talks to her family about her job search

"The most important thing is to recognize you don't owe an explanation to anyone but your spouse about how your job search is going," says executive job search coach Cheryl Simpson. "You can and should set boundaries with your extended family and friends by making clear what you will and won't talk about." Simpson suggests saying something along the lines of: "I appreciate your concern and interest about my career search. I don't wish, however, to burden this gathering with details. Suffice it to say that my search is going well and I am pursuing a range of exciting opportunities."

6. Think About It from Their Perspective


Woman hugs a family member at a party

"Questions like these can be frustrating to answer," says Kristin Johnson, a certified job search coach. "You probably feel as if you sound like a broken record." Once you think from their perspective, you'll be able to answer the question with a genuine, appreciative question in return. It might sound something like this (using an admin position as an example):

"I'm looking to put my support skills to use in an office setting in the automotive industry. I have been looking at ABC and XYZ companies. I'd love to talk to someone at either of those. Do you have any contacts there? What suggestions do you have for me?"

"Eliciting specific information from your family will give you something to talk about and help them help you," she says. "Definitely something to be thankful for!"

Looking for a job can be an incredibly frustrating and stressful experience, and feeling like you have to explain yourself to others only adds to it. Remember these six tips the next time your family or friends ask about your job search. You'll successfully avoid any unpleasant conversations—or at least shorten their duration!


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This article was originally published at an earlier date.



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