Colleagues

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3 Mutuals You Need For Career Success (NEVER Treat Employers Like Friends Or Family Again!)



There are three mutuals you need to have with your employer, and if you don't have them, then you could find yourself in more than a few situations where you're really unhappy, especially when interest rates, inflation, and cost of living are up, salaries are going down, turnover is crazy, and everyone's frustrated.

You want to have three mutuals with an employer because that will allow you to build a solid partnership (not a relationship—you should never treat employers like friends or family!). Here are the three mutuals you should live and die by in your career, and why they're so important...

Trust, Respect, And Benefit: 3 Mutuals For A True Partnership


The first mutual you need with your employer is trust. The second mutual is respect. And the third mutual is benefit.

When you have mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual benefit, you have a true partnership, not a relationship. They're not your friends. They're not your family. You have a true and equitable partnership, and that is what you're always striving for.

Now, if you're sitting in this partnership and all of a sudden one day something feels off or you're not happy, take a step back and ask yourself, "What's changed?"

  • Did the trust factor change?
  • Did the respect factor change?
  • Did the benefit factor change?

Be honest with yourself. Then, if you can identify what it is, have a conversation with your boss and talk about how the mutual trust was broken or the mutual respect was broken or the mutual benefit was broken. Calmly and rationally talk about how you can get it back on track to an equitable partnership. And if you can't, then guess what? You know it's time for you to go find your next partnership (your next job). No hard feelings. You gave it a try. You tried to fix the partnership. The partnership didn't work. You're moving on.

When I coach Work It DAILY members, they learn to take the emotion out of this situation. They look at the partnership. They build an equitable partnership. They nurture that partnership. And if for some reason it changes, they try to fix it. And if it doesn't get fixed, they go find a new partnership.

If you adopt this mindset in your career, your career will change for the better. You will have so much more power over your career success. But let me let you in on a little secret. You don't just naturally get there. You don't just set out and go, "Okay, from now on, I'm just going to hold out until I get one of these partnerships with the three mutuals." You need to put in the work. You need to change your approach to job search. You need to know your unique value add. You have to put in the time to completely shift yourself from being an employee who feels like they have golden handcuffs on to being a business-of-one who knows how to run their business-of-one and get the trust, respect, and benefit they want and deserve.

You do not need to be a victim. You can be the hero of your career story. And it starts with building that partnership with your employer. It starts with mutual trust, respect, and benefit.

Good luck, and go get 'em!

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3 Mutuals You Need For Career Success …

If You Do These 10 Things, You’re Probably A TERRIBLE Co-Worker



One of the best things about work is that you get to collaborate with your co-workers. However, in offices all over the world, there are co-workers people would rather NOT work with every day.

Co-workers can get labeled as terrible for multiple reasons. And that label can do some serious damage at work.

Here are a few habits a colleague can have that would earn them that bad reputation. Are you guilty of any of them?

Gossiping About Your Co-Workers


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It's important to build a team that has respect for one another in the workplace. One of the biggest things that kills respect among colleagues is gossiping.

If you talk about your co-workers behind their backs, there's no way they're going to trust you or respect anything you have to say. Plus, they won't want to work with you if you're talking badly about them. That could have a major impact on your work, especially if you have a project you need help on.

Gossiping could give you a brief moment of satisfaction, but it can really do some serious damage to your work relationships.

Having A Bad Attitude At Work


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We've all had bad days at work. We're human, it's bound to happen.

However, having a consistent negative attitude at work will have a tremendous impact on your relationship with your co-workers.

Multiple studies show that negative attitudes can spread quickly, especially in the workplace. That means people will want to stay away from those who generate negative energy. Also, having a negative attitude at work kills workplace productivity and puts a major dent in workplace culture.

With that being said, take a minute to reflect on your attitude at work. Could it use some adjusting?

Distracting Your Co-Workers While On The Job 


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Let's be real—everyone needs a little break at work. It's good to take some time to get away from your desk, whether it's a five-minute walk around the office or a quick trip to the vending machine. However, constantly being distracted at work can lead to major problems that impact productivity.

A source of these distractions can come from co-workers.

Think about it. Is there a co-worker who is always talking, even when you're trying to work? Or is there a co-worker who blasts loud music at their desk throughout the workday?

These distractions may not be intentional, but they can cause other people to lose focus at work.

If you have distracting habits at work, think about how you can curb them. You'll be surprised by what it does for your office's productivity.

Taking Credit For Your Co-Worker's Work


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Working with a team at work has great benefits. You're able to collaborate with people and come up with ideas you may not have thought of on your own. That being said, giving credit to your co-workers for their contributions to the workplace is essential for maintaining good relationships with them.

If you're collaborating with a co-worker on a project and you want to expand on one of their ideas, be sure to give them credit where credit is due.

If you take all the glory and don't mention their contribution, it will reflect poorly on you.

Not Pulling Your Weight In The Office


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When you go to work, it's expected that you show up and actually do work. However, there are some people who do a lot of showing up...but not a lot of work.

When someone doesn't do their job, they force their co-workers to pick up the slack. That combined with the workload they already have could cause some MAJOR frustration in the office.

Make sure you're doing your job when you're at work. It can be so easy to get distracted, but you have to stay on track and do what needs to get done. Doing your share of the work will give you a lot of satisfaction and your co-workers will appreciate your contributions.

Immediately Shooting Down Co-Workers' Ideas


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Your co-workers will have ideas they want to share with the team from time to time. You may not like these ideas and, as a result, you may shut them down before the team even discusses them.

There are multiple reasons why this is a bad habit in the workplace. For starters, it could give the impression that you're not open to hearing new ideas. It could also give the impression that you don't care about your team's opinions.

So, before you shoot down a co-worker's idea, take a moment to really think about it and have a discussion with them about it instead of immediately expressing your distaste for it.

Bringing Personal Issues Into The Workplace 


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It's important to have a good work-life balance. However, bringing too much of your personal life into the workplace can cause some rifts in the office.

You may have co-workers you can talk to about your personal life. But you may also have co-workers who wish to maintain a strictly professional relationship with you.

If you vent about your personal life at work, you risk compromising your relationships with your co-workers.

As a worker, you are a business-of-one, which means you want to market yourself the best you can. Bringing a lot of your personal baggage into the workplace is not a good thing, and will make it harder to market yourself as an employee and co-worker.

Stinking Up The Whole Office With Your Lunch


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You know exactly what I'm talking about here.

There are certain rules of office etiquette that go unspoken. One of those rules is not to stink up the entire office with your food. Unfortunately, not everyone follows this rule.

There are some people who have no problem heating up their leftover fish at lunchtime. It may be in the microwave for only two minutes, but its impact lasts much longer.

Stinking up the office with your lunch is distracting.

Seriously, it's an issue if the only thing your co-workers can focus on is how your lunch smells.

Being Passive Aggressive In The Office


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A workplace culture should be built around mutual respect and trust among co-workers.

Once in a while, you may disagree with your colleagues, and that's okay. Disagreements happen, but how you handle it says more about you than the disagreement itself.

If you're passive aggressive toward your co-workers, it will cause some tension in the office.

Being passive aggressive means you aren't being direct with your co-workers about your issues with them. If you aren't direct with them, then how are you going to work past the issue you're having?

Passive aggressiveness will take its toll on the workplace if it isn't nipped in the bud. The best way to curb this is to be direct with your colleagues and have a professional discussion about the issue at hand.

Constantly Showing Up Late To Work


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Everyone is late to work once in a while. However, it's an issue if you're constantly late to work.

Showing up on time is a sign of respect in the office. It shows that you care about your work and getting in on time to get your work done.

If you're always showing up late, it shows that you don't respect the work you do. Also, running late can impact your co-workers. If they need your input on a project, but you're running late, it makes them crunched for time. That can lead to a stressful work environment.

Showing up to work on time reflects on you as a worker. So, show up on time and be ready to put your best foot forward.

Not every co-worker will be your friend, but it's always important to respect others in the workplace. If you're guilty of any of the habits mentioned above, try your best to be a better colleague today. Your co-workers (and career) will thank you.

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This article was originally published at an earlier date.

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If You Do These 10 Things, You’re …

5 Steps To Easily Connect With Your Co-Workers



Being the newest member of an office can be pretty challenging. It's almost like in high school when you're the new kid on the block. Everyone's looking at you but you're not sure if they're going to be friends or foes.

So, you carefully gauge how to become part of the group. Keep in mind that you're joining a workplace that already has established dynamics. You can't just come in and say, "Hey, let's be friends. I can take over some of your tasks." You should get to know everyone first, observe how they interact, and decide on what you can do to earn your co-workers' trust.

We all know that things get done in a more efficient and pleasant manner when you get along with the people you work with. Being friends with your co-workers is a priceless benefit that could even spell the difference between you staying in the office for years or bolting for the door in just a few weeks.

Here are five ways to bond and connect better with your co-workers:

1. Make An Effort Outside The Office


Coworkers bonding outside the office at lunch

When you can, make an effort to mingle with your co-workers after office hours or during meetings. You can get a quick bite and talk about what happened at work that day. Ask them about their neighborhood ("Have you lived there long?"), their families ("How many kids do you have?"), and their interests ("Are you into snowboarding?").

Be curious about your co-workers, but don't be intrusive. They will share more information with you once you gain their trust. It also helps if you volunteer information about yourself—but nothing too intimate or too shocking, okay?

2. Stop Complaining About Work


Happy coworkers getting along at work

Unless you're all sitting around releasing tension about the stress you all experience at work, it's best if you don't bring up negative things about the workplace.

You might be stressed but that's no reason to dump all your frustrations on your co-workers. There are different strategies for handling stress that don't involve annoying the people you work with. After all, you're all working for the same company. Even if you don't really like the way things are done, some of your co-workers may have different opinions.

3. Look For Common Ground


Two coworkers having a conversation on their break

A great way to find out more about your co-workers is to connect on social media. On Facebook, for instance, you can easily see what groups they're in and what shows they watch.

You can start a conversation during downtime at work about any of these things. You can ask, "Who's your favorite character on The Walking Dead?" or "Oh, your grandparents are from Ireland? Mine are too."

It may start out as small talk but it may also pave the way for a long-lasting friendship that goes beyond the workplace.

4. Collaborate On Projects


Coworkers bond while collaborating on a project

Obviously, you can't do everything alone. When working on a project, see which tasks you need help with. Seek out your co-workers' guidance—the senior staff members, especially—because they often have a better or faster way of doing things. Identify your co-workers' strengths and ask for their help on matters that need their expertise.

For instance, you can ask your office accountant to take a look at your financial report. You can say, "I need a fresh pair of eyes. Please have a look if you're not busy." Emphasize that you value your co-workers' input but make it clear that you're not totally dependent on them. You'll earn their respect if you show that you're capable and good at what you do.

5. Share Credit (Don't Hog All The Glory)


Happy coworkers connecting and working together as a team

Don't claim that you did everything, especially when you didn't. For example, when your boss praises you for a good idea that didn't actually come from you, you can say, "That wasn't my idea. It was Kelly's."

If you're still apprehensive about being accepted by your co-workers, just remember to do your job efficiently and promptly. Then, top it off with being nice and sincere. You certainly can't go wrong with that strategy.

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This article was originally published at an earlier date.

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5 Steps To Easily Connect With Your …



Do you have friends at work? You don't have to be friends with everyone you work with, but making meaningful connections in the workplace improves collaboration, productivity, and job satisfaction. Also, your work environment becomes more positive and supportive when you have friends in the workplace. If you're starting a new job or simply haven't made any friends at work yet, what can you do to connect with others and make a friend or two?

We recently asked our leading executives for their best tips on how to make friends at work.

Here are their responses...

Ana Smith, Leadership Development & Learning Strategist


Making friends at work, especially in a hybrid work environment, requires a combination of social skills, communication, and genuine interest in others. Here are some expert tips to help you build strong friendships with your colleagues in a hybrid world:

  1. Participate in Social Activities: Engage in both virtual and in-person social activities organized by your company or colleagues. These can include team-building events, online coffee breaks, virtual happy hours, or in-person outings. Participating in these activities provides opportunities to connect with your coworkers in a relaxed setting.
  2. Active Communication: Make an effort to communicate regularly with your colleagues, both online and offline. Utilize instant messaging platforms, emails, and virtual meetings to stay connected with remote colleagues. In the office, take time to have casual conversations and get to know your coworkers on a personal level.
  3. Express Interest in Others: Show genuine interest in your colleagues' lives, interests, and hobbies. Ask them about their weekend plans, hobbies, or any personal projects they are working on. Active listening and remembering details about their lives can help strengthen your connections.
  4. Be Approachable and Friendly: Create an approachable and friendly demeanor. Smile, use positive body language, and be receptive to conversations with your coworkers. A warm and welcoming attitude can encourage others to approach you and initiate conversations.
  5. Find Common Interests: Discover shared interests with your colleagues. Whether it's a hobby, a favorite TV show, or a sport, having common ground can serve as a great conversation starter and strengthen your bond.
  6. Offer Help and Support: Be supportive of your coworkers and offer help when needed. Collaborating on projects or assisting with challenges can create a sense of camaraderie and mutual respect.
  7. Organize Informal Gatherings: Take the initiative to organize informal gatherings, whether it's a virtual game night, a lunch meetup, or a casual walk during breaks. These gatherings can help foster a sense of community among colleagues.
  8. Respect Boundaries: While building friendships, it's essential to be respectful of colleagues' boundaries and professional space. Some individuals may prefer to keep their personal and professional lives separate, so be mindful of their preferences.
  9. Celebrate Milestones and Achievements: Acknowledge your colleagues' milestones and accomplishments. Congratulate them on their successes, both personally and professionally, and celebrate special occasions like birthdays or work anniversaries.
  10. Be Patient and Consistent: Building meaningful friendships takes time, so be patient and consistent in your efforts. Keep nurturing your connections and be willing to invest in maintaining these relationships.

Remember, making friends at work in a hybrid world requires adapting to different communication channels and being proactive in reaching out to both in-person and remote colleagues. By fostering a supportive and inclusive work environment, you can create lasting friendships that enhance your overall work experience.

Ana Smith helps people & organizations achieve their full talent potential by developing and co-creating people strategies and customized solutions, and turning them into impactful outcomes and collaborative relationships, using coaching as the "red thread."

Lisa Perry, Global Marketing Executive


Happy coworkers/friends at work

Having that go-to work buddy you can rely on to vent about your boss or cheer for those big victories—it’s the best thing! Friends at work contribute to job satisfaction, collaboration, productivity, and well-being. According to a Gallup survey, women with a best friend at work are twice as likely to be engaged in what they're doing. Making friends with coworkers is a valuable skill that can enhance your career experience and create a positive work environment. Most importantly, it can make you happy!

Here are a few pointers, whether you're starting a job or wanting to make friends in your current role:

  • Foster Approachability & Positivity: Creating a welcoming and approachable demeanor is the first step to making friends at work. Great your coworkers with a warm smile, engage in small talk that conveys authentic interest, and steer clear of consistent complaints or engaging in office gossip to maintain a positive atmosphere.
  • The Power of Small Gestures: Begin by learning people’s names and incorporating them into conversations to create a positive impact right from the start. Next, invest your time in celebrating important milestones such as birthdays, work anniversaries, and personal achievements to show appreciation for your coworkers.
  • Participation Is Key: Embrace involvement in various activities from team-building initiatives and company-sponsored events to casual social gatherings, as these opportunities offer an excellent avenue for establishing meaningful connections with your coworkers.
  • Shared Interests as a Bonding Foundation: Seek out common areas that resonate with you and your coworkers. Whether it’s shared workplace challenges or mutual hobbies, these share elements can lay the groundwork for nurturing meaningful connections.
  • Extend a Helping Hand: Support your coworkers by lending a hand with projects. This collaboration effort underscores your teamwork capabilities and provides a platform to foster genuine workplace friendship.

Incorporating these strategies into your workplace interactions can enrich your well-being, underscoring the significance of cultivating meaningful friendships at work.

Lisa Perry helps companies build leadership brands, driving loyal customers & delivering profitability. She does this through a process that builds brands consumers love. Her goal is to help companies develop, monetize, and grow their brands.

How do you make friends at work? Join the conversation inside Work It Daily's Executive Program.

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Executive Spotlight: How To Make Friends At …



Whether you're an entrepreneur, professional, or aspiring leader, learning how to manage business relationships is an important skill that can drive success in your career. By elevating your networking and communication skills, building meaningful connections, and nurturing partnerships, you can foster long-lasting relationships in the dynamic business world.

We recently asked our leading executives for their best tips on how to manage business relationships.

Here are their responses...

John Schembari, Senior Education Academic And Operations Executive


Managing business relationships is key to any organization but especially for independent service providers/consultants such as myself. While working with business partners on a project, provide your relationships with the opportunity to give ongoing feedback on your services so that any pivots can be made early on to better support your partners' goals. Keep partners informed of project progress.

However, the key is not "just" to think of business partners/relationships when you need them. It is important to keep business ties current through ongoing albeit brief follow-up communication, after project completion, where you can offer your relationships something of value for free. Remind them of your value here and through social media—even better if, in highlighting your own gravitas on social media, you can promote the work of your business partners/clients at the same time.

And, if you can't support your business relationships/partners on a project, be open to providing names of other service providers who can. Your clients will see that you have their interests in mind and your colleagues to whom you provide business leads might one day return the favor.

John Schembari is a current K-12 teacher/school leader academic improvement coach and former school building and district administrator. He loves to draw, travel, swing dance, and read nonfiction.

Ana Smith, Leadership Development & Learning Strategist


Executive/leader/business partner talks in a meeting and manages his business relationships

Managing business relationships is a critical skill for any expert in the business world. Effective relationship management is essential for building strong partnerships, fostering trust, and achieving long-term success. Here are some key strategies for managing business relationships:

  1. Communication: Open and transparent communication is the foundation of successful business relationships. Regularly engage with your partners, clients, and stakeholders to understand their needs, concerns, and expectations. Actively listen and respond promptly to their inquiries, ensuring that all parties are on the same page.
  2. Establish clear objectives: Clearly define the purpose and goals of the business relationship. This includes setting mutual expectations, defining roles and responsibilities, and outlining the desired outcomes. Having well-defined objectives helps maintain focus and alignment throughout the partnership.
  3. Build trust: Trust is the cornerstone of any successful business relationship. Demonstrate reliability, competence, and integrity in all your interactions. Be honest about potential challenges and limitations, and work towards finding mutually beneficial solutions.
  4. Be proactive: Anticipate your partner's needs and address potential issues before they arise. Proactively share relevant information, updates, and insights that can add value to the relationship. Taking initiative showcases your commitment to the partnership's success.
  5. Respect and empathy: Treat your business partners with respect and empathy. Understand their perspectives and show genuine interest in their concerns. Empathy helps create a positive and collaborative environment, fostering strong bonds.
  6. Deliver on promises: Honor commitments and follow through on your promises. Consistently delivering on your obligations builds credibility and strengthens the trust between parties.
  7. Flexibility and adaptability: Business landscapes are ever-changing, so be prepared to adapt and adjust to new circumstances. Be flexible in finding solutions to challenges, and be open to evolving the relationship as needed.
  8. Handle conflicts constructively: Conflicts are inevitable in any business relationship. When they arise, address them promptly and constructively. Focus on finding resolutions that benefit both parties rather than trying to "win" the argument.
  9. Celebrate successes: Acknowledge and celebrate achievements together. Recognizing milestones and successes fosters a positive atmosphere and reinforces the value of the relationship.
  10. Regular evaluation: Periodically assess the progress of the partnership and the satisfaction of all involved parties. Solicit feedback and use it to improve and strengthen the relationship.

Remember, managing business relationships is an ongoing process that requires dedication, patience, and a genuine interest in building lasting connections. By investing in these strategies, you can cultivate mutually beneficial relationships that contribute to your overall business success.

Ana Smith helps people & organizations achieve their full talent potential by developing and co-creating people strategies and customized solutions, and turning them into impactful outcomes and collaborative relationships, using coaching as the "red thread."

Lisa Perry, Global Marketing Executive


Female executive leads a meeting and manages her business relationships

In the dynamic business world, relationships are pivotal in driving success. Whether it’s with customers, suppliers, partners, or employees, effective communication stands out as the single most significant factor that can make or break these connections. When managing business relationships, focusing on effective communication can yield a significant impact. Here are several communication strategies to consider:

  • Active Listening: Active listening is an essential aspect of effective communication. By actively listening and giving stakeholders your undivided attention, you build trust and accurately grasp their needs and expectations while understanding their message effectively.
  • Clarity & Simplicity: In the fast-paced business world, simplicity is key. Clear and concise communication eliminates ambiguity and misunderstandings.
  • Empathy & Emotional Intelligence: Empathy and emotional intelligence play a vital role in building strong, authentic relationships. Understanding and acknowledging stakeholders' emotions through empathetic communication fosters trust, strengthens connections, and cultivates genuine connections.
  • Timeliness & Responsiveness: In today’s digital age, speed is of the essence. Timeliness and responsiveness are critical elements of effective communication. Responding promptly shows respect and maintains engagement.

In conclusion, effective communication is the foundation of successful business relationships. It is the catalyst that drives growth and fosters enduring connections. By prioritizing effective communication as a core value, businesses can navigate the complexities of the business landscape and thrive in a world where strong relationships are the key to lasting success.

Lisa Perry helps companies build leadership brands, driving loyal customers & delivering profitability. She does this through a process that builds brands consumers love. Her goal is to help companies develop, monetize, and grow their brands.

How do you manage business relationships? Join the conversation inside Work It Daily's Executive Program.

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Executive Spotlight: How To Manage Business Relationships



We all have career ups and downs throughout our life. In many cases, these ups and downs are just part of a natural progression. But in other cases, they are caused by factors out of our control. One thing that always helps during situations like these is kindness.

Whether it's kindness from a friend or kindness to yourself, it's the small acts of kindness that help us get through life's most difficult challenges. When going through a career challenge, these acts of kindness can make a huge difference:

Listen


Professionals listen to a friend talk to help him through a career challenge

Do you have a friend, family member, or former colleague going through a career crisis? Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen!

It's never a good idea for people to let things bubble up inside to the point where it consumes them. Everyone needs to vent sometimes.

However, there is a balance. While you want to lend an ear, you also don't want it to get to the point where the other person is feeling sorry for themselves and it turns into a pity party.

If you're able to offer advice based on your own personal experience, you should share it. But if you're not in a position to offer advice, try to offer some motivational words of encouragement or share a resource that may help.

Share Your Network


Young professional on laptop thinks about introducing two colleagues

You never know when a new connection may lead to a new career opportunity! With that in mind, think about the difference you could make in someone's life by introducing them to just one connection from your professional network.

Maybe you have a friend looking to break into the healthcare industry and you know the perfect professional to introduce them to. It doesn't have to be industry specific; sometimes particular people are just good resources and mentors for others.

Such introductions are usually made at networking events, but introducing connections through LinkedIn works just as well.

Share Content


Man on laptop shares content with his professional network to help others

Will live in an era where content is abundant and diverse, and similar to introducing a new connection, you never know when a single piece of content could have a positive impact on someone.

The best part about sharing content is the fact that it's easy. It's as simple as sharing an article on LinkedIn or writing your own.

Sometimes these industry and career-related articles can reach hundreds of people based on how many times they are shared. The information within the shared content could prove valuable to some. You never know!

Give A Reference


Woman on laptop writes a reference for a colleague

Obviously, you don't want to give a professional reference or LinkedIn endorsement to just anyone. But if the person asking is worthy of it, then it's a wonderful thing to do for someone.

A good resume and cover letter can get a person in the door for an interview, but once they're there it's how they handle the interview and their character that ultimately helps to set them apart from the competition,

Many employers use professional references as a way to get a sense of a person's work ethic and character. If you enjoyed working with someone and appreciated their work ethic, then giving them a reference will not only help them out, but it will make you feel good as well.

Pay It Forward


Co-workers share a laugh during a meeting after agreeing to buy coffee

It's important to remember that whenever someone helps you in your career, you should find a way to pay it forward, either to the person who helped you out or to someone else. This should work both ways; hopefully, someone who you helped out in their career will return the favor as well.

The act of paying it forward—responding to an act of kindness with another act of kindness—is something that doesn't just apply to career, but to life.

Any act of kindness throughout the day can make a huge difference in someone's life. Even something as simple as paying for someone's coffee.

You can pay it forward by recommending Work It Daily to a friend.

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5 Acts Of Kindness To Help Get …

Reading People’s Emotions: A Beginner’s Guide



“Just the facts ma’am” — Wrong!

At school and university, we are constantly taught that only facts and rational, logical arguments matter. Then we enter the workforce. People’s responses seem to be driven more by feelings than by facts.

Wouldn’t it be great if we “unemotional” types could figure out how people were feeling? Maybe we wouldn’t “put our foot in it” so often. Maybe we might find it easier to handle customers/bosses or colleagues.

There is! It’s a technique life coaches use. It’s called “listening for emotion.”

What To Listen Out For


Man listens to his coworker while they work on a project together

There are five areas to home in on…

1. Words spoken

Listen carefully when someone uses “emotion words” such as “this made me really angry," “I was scared to death,” etc.

This might sound like an exaggeration, but it tells you how the speaker feels about the situation. To find out more, you might want to ask: “What was it that made you so angry/scared?" etc.

When your speaker answers, stay silent and listen carefully to what they say. You might learn something that will help you see things from their point of view.

2. Words not spoken

Sometimes the message is in what is not said. This often happens when you are on a customer’s site, and two colleagues are talking. One says something like: “Well, George will be George…” and the other just exchanges a glance with the first.

We can infer that both colleagues find George difficult to deal with. If George happens to be a key influencer for you in the company, that can be useful to know.

3. Pitch

As you listen to a person’s voice, you get an idea of what tone is “normal” for them.

At some point, you may notice that the person’s tone gets lower.

This may signal a change of mood. Ask yourself: “What triggered that apparent change in mood? What were we talking about at that point?”

By matching a change in the tone of voice with a change of subject, or in response to something you or someone else said, you can tell if you hit a nerve that you might otherwise have missed.

Depending on the situation, this might be an area to avoid or probe further.

4. Pace

As you talk to the other person, you will get an idea of how fast they normally talk. Once again, watch out for any sudden change of speed.

If a person suddenly starts talking faster, they may feel uncomfortable and want to get past this topic as quickly as possible.

If a person hesitates, they may be unsure of what is the best thing to say to achieve the desired result.

Either way, they appear not to feel as comfortable as they did a few moments ago.

Once more, ask yourself: “What triggered the apparent change in mood? What were we talking about at that point?”

This may reveal what the “elephant in the room” really is.

5. Power (Volume)

How loud is the person talking? Think about how the person is speaking at the start of the conversation and how they change their volume.

Many people will focus on a person who gets louder during the conversation, but in fact, it’s often when they get quieter that is more revealing. This happens when the conversation has taken a turn that they do not find comfortable.

Our favorite questions, “What triggered the apparent change in mood?” and “What were we talking about at that point?” will serve you well.

Changing The Temperature


Businesspeople listen to their coworker talk during a meeting

Once you get used to the idea, you will realize that these changes rarely happen in isolation. A reduction in volume usually comes with a reduction in pace.

If you are talking to the person face to face, this may also come with the person turning away from you.

Practice Makes Perfect


Businessmen talk to each other and read each other's emotions during a meeting

You have many opportunities to practice and perfect this skill.

Watch films where the acting is considered good, and conversation is a major part of the film. The opening scene of the Godfather, where various characters come to Don Corleone asking for favors at his daughter’s wedding, is a classic example.

Watch interviews. A couple of classics would be David Frost’s famous interview with former President Nixon after he had been impeached or Emily Maitliss’ interview with Prince Andrew. The Michael Parkinson celebrity interviews often revealed unexpected emotional depths.

If you are talking in a group, try observing the other people’s behavior more carefully. You may need to talk less yourself to give yourself time to observe. What you see may be quite revealing.

Michael Crighton, in his novel Rising Sun, observed that Japanese managers will often deliberately take a “back seat” at the start of a negotiation, partly to give junior colleagues the chance to gain experience, but also to observe the other party without having to think about what they are saying first, and so gauge the other person’s vulnerabilities before stepping in to close the deal.

The final stage is to start evaluating the other person’s emotional state as you are talking to them yourself. You will find this exercise gives conversations a whole new depth.

Further reading...

You may find this interesting too: Pulling The Tiger’s Teeth: How To Deal With Angry Customers

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Reading People’s Emotions: A Beginner’s Guide

Leaving Friends Behind: What To Consider When You Leave Your Job



A few times in my career, I have made the conscious choice to leave a position, and once that decision was made for me. As I read about layoffs, recession, and turmoil in the workplace, I think about these moments.

The Buddhists have a tenant about “impermanence.” Nothing is permanent or forever. Everything changes moment by moment each day. Working for a company is the same… it will not be forever regardless of your choice or someone else's decision. At some point, you will move on.

Meeting People During Your Career


New employee makes friends at work

When you spend one-third or more each year at work, you will meet many people. Acquaintances, colleagues, and friends will pass through your life. The friends make it difficult when you leave.

I have a few friends who I have known throughout my career. People I talk to regularly throughout my life, and some I have not seen in years. However, I can call or email these people at any moment, and I know they are there for me. Despite leaving them behind when I moved jobs, I am still grateful these people are in my life.

Colleagues who I have not seen in many years are pleasant surprises. Hearing from them at random times, I enjoy the memories brought back with each encounter. I am also grateful when someone thinks fondly of our time together in the past. I take a lot of meaning from these brief encounters.

Thousands of acquaintances have also passed through my life. The world is a smaller place every day, and occasionally I cross paths with one of these people. I enjoy reconnecting with these brief encounters and reliving a part of my past.

Leaving Is The Hardest Part…


Woman talks to a coworker

​I confess, when the decision comes to move on, I find it very difficult to leave the people. These friends made my time with the company enjoyable. We accomplished some great things! We worked through difficult times and still achieved great results. Even in the darkest of hours, we found ways to have fun and persevere. These connections are the most difficult.

Although I want to believe I will always be in contact with these special people, life creates challenges. I do not see these people often enough, and I do not connect as often as I like. I even feel guilty at times about growing apart. However, the true friends will always be there, and we can drop back into our connection very easily.

Difficult Choices


Man thinks about leaving his job

If you are left with the difficult choice to move on and do something different, know two things. First, those who really care and respect you will remember your time. They will appreciate the work you accomplished. They will remain connected. They will be your friends for a long time. Second, true friends will be happy and supportive of your decision to make a change. They will congratulate you and support your choice. They may not like it or feel left behind; however, they will understand.

Although you feel guilty for leaving, remember those who mean something to you will remain in your life. When you make a connection, it will not break because you are leaving a situation. The friendship will persevere.

Leaving your friends will weigh upon you in making your decision to leave. This feeling is normal. Embrace it because these people made a difference in your life. Know that true friends will always be there no matter how far apart you grow.

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Leaving Friends Behind: What To Consider When …

6 Tips To Make Sure Your Ego At Work, Works (Even In Uncertainty!)



Work is important to a lot of us. And we all have egos. The trick is to balance our own view of work and success so that the ego remains a helpful source of support and not a tyrannical master. One is the road to relative contentment, the other to continued misery. Have you struck the balance?

We particularly need to know we have the balance as close to right (for us and others at work—everywhere!) especially given the likely turmoil and stress employees, colleagues, leadership, and ourselves may feel because of the ongoing uncertainty surrounding us right now.

Why do I even write about ego and why should any of us in business care about it?

To understand the influence of our own ego at work, let's first get a working definition of what ego is. Oxford Languages defines ego as, among other things, ‘the part of the mind that …is responsible for reality testing.’

So, what does reality testing look like on the ground? How do we implement reality testing at work for us?

Our Internal Rule Book


Man smiles while working

Through a rule book. Our own internal rule book. An individual set of rules we each carry around inside our heads for how we deal with the world including at work.

Everyone has their own internal rule book. Your job is to make sure that your internal rule book continues to support and serve for the benefit of all including your stakeholders, your colleagues, your team, your company, and yourself at work.

We all have this internal rule book for all parts of our lives. So, our internal rule book pervades our waking moments including at work.

Almost from birth we acquire, adopt, and develop our own set of rules which drive what we expect and therefore what we impose on others and ourselves as a way to decide what is going on—that is we are reality testing.

For instance, simple rules picked up through experience like if you pay a baker for a bread roll you expect them to hand over a bread roll. If they don’t hand over a bread roll then you start reality testing. In this example, where the baker didn’t hand over the bread roll as you expected (rule about exchange) you might immediately reality test the situation by asking ‘Did I hand over the money to the baker’ or ‘Did he hear my order correctly?’

You see how the rule book works—it's reality testing what you expected. You expected a bread roll after handing over the money (a rule about exchange), yet the baker didn’t hand over a bread roll. So, you try to understand what happened given your rule explains there ‘should’ have been an exchange. You could call this sort of rule a ‘standard rule’ as many people follow it. In this scenario, the rule of exchange is a standard rule because it is widely followed and understood.

So, applying the rule book to work, if you delegate to someone and then they don’t meet your expectations...here is where things can get interesting. Remember our internal rule book guides and drives our expectations.

Your rule book is active 24 hours, 7 days a week in your subconscious, whether you’re at work or not, and whether you are always aware or not. The application of our rules often happens on ‘autopilot.’ Remaining mindful of how you apply your rules will increase your likelihood of successful interactions and activities at work and in general.

Why?

Because being mindful means you are in that very moment, live, and you are adjusting to the actual, live situation and the interaction or person in that very moment. Rather than applying the rule when it may have first formed for you.

Remember, right now, people may be in a heightened state of stress for other reasons than the immediate interaction with you. So make sure your rule is the best possible fit, in the moment, to that situation and people.

This mindful assessment of the ‘best fit’ of your rule in the moment will lead to better, healthier, more successful interactions and outcomes the more you can do it.

Remember: a negative emotion you may feel during the day at work, with others or during an activity you are doing—e.g., reading a work email, for instance (anger, frustration, annoyance)—is a pretty good indicator that someone or something has tripped over one of your rules.

This is then a split-second opportunity for you to grab hold of how you are feeling, and then recognize that it’s actually because of a rule you have in play. You then have the immediate opportunity to do something potentially different to how you would ‘normally’ react.

This can lead to a different (and possibly) better outcome for you and the person or situation than might otherwise have been the case.

Let’s continue with the example mentioned of delegating work to someone. You have more choices in this latter example scenario of delegating work to someone which is of course more complex than a simple transaction of buying a bread roll—obvious right?

What may be less obvious is that you and the person you delegated to don’t just have standard rules (i.e., widely followed and understood what is expected). We all have non-standard or individual internal rules as well. In other words, everyone has a standard set of rules that are widely followed and understood by others and non-standard rules where expectations between people might vary.

It’s also worth thinking about how you apply your rule book in say, difficult work situations like distressed projects and teams (see "6-Point Checklist For Taking Over A ‘Distressed’ Project Or Team" for more on this).

Let’s say in our delegation example you explained to your colleague that she keeps you in the communication loop on the progress of work you delegated to her. Let’s say she doesn’t copy you in on an update email and you find out from a colleague instead how the work is progressing.

This is the second time you have found out indirectly rather than directly from the person you delegated to. Do you apply a rule that says this colleague cannot be trusted or is slack or absent-minded? Or could it be that your rule instead interprets your colleague’s behaviour as they are purposely leaving you out of the loop.

What if her behaviour of leaving you off the update email is actually because she is continuously overworked and doing her very best and slips up sometimes because of how busy she is?

Take your pick of how you respond in this scenario.

Your response is driven by your internal rule about what you expect—in this scenario, what you expected when you delegate work to someone. So, when your expectation wasn’t met, your internal rule book kicks in (to reality test) and then reacts by judging the situation (and the person).

Remember that our rule book is built over time and evolves through observation, our own experiences, as well as our beliefs—a topic for another (many!) blog series.

How much you check, question, and validate your own internal rules that you use and apply to a given situation, such as the example above, will potentially influence your attitude and behaviour towards this person as well as similar scenarios in the future.

Tips To Make Sure Your Rulebook Is A Healthy, Balanced One:


Woman on laptop looks for a new job

Ask yourself, ‘Do my rules...

  1. Serve me in regards to my work?’
  2. Serve my stakeholders including my team, direct reports, sponsor, and colleagues?’
  3. Place onerous hurdles that serve little purpose except to continually reassure me?’
  4. Need to be removed in some areas?’
  5. Hinder or support fast progress at work?’
  6. Need streamlining, changing, revision, updating, editing, or deleting?’

Final Word


Happy coworkers at work

I’ve barely mentioned ego throughout this blog yet that’s where we started. We could spend a lot more than my 1200-word limit allows. So instead, I focused on a practical example of what is driven by our ego—the internal rule book.

At its most basic, our internal rule book is there to protect us and reassure us that we are in control as we deal with and decide what is going on around us at work (and beyond).

It’s important you place as much effort as you can muster into making sure, especially in today’s uncertain work environment, that the application of your rule book (i.e., in situations with stakeholders like colleagues, employees, or leadership) remains as balanced and unemotional as possible, no matter what is going on for you and your stress levels. Not an easy ask I realize—but I know you can do it!

The tips I provided aim to help you recognise and understand your own internal rule book, the one you apply at work especially, and help you ensure it remains supportive rather than one that drives unhelpful behaviours that can make things worse for you and those around you.

Remember the ultimate aim of our internal rules is to help not hinder.

Would love to hear about your internal rule books and how they serve you or how you review your rules regularly to make sure they continue to support you.

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6 Tips To Make Sure Your Ego …

How To Stand Out At A New Job (And Fit In Too)



Congratulations! After months of job hunting, you finally got hired for the job you wanted!

Getting a new job is exciting. However, after the dust settles from celebrating this accomplishment, you have some work to do.

Being a new employee can be tough sometimes. But if you're ready to embrace the challenge, you can make a smooth transition into your new role.

Here are a few tips to make sure you start your new job off on the right foot.

Understand The Company Culture


First, take time to get to know the culture of your new company. The best way to do this is to schedule meetings with your team—both those who will be working for you and with you.

Ask them questions about their work routine and how they get things accomplished. It's also a good idea to get a sense of how easy or difficult it is to implement new ideas and initiatives. This will give you a good feel for how adaptable (or how slow) the company culture is to change.

You should also take note of your own workplace personality and how it fits into the company culture. If you're in need of a good personality test, try Work It Daily's FREE Workplace Personas Quiz.

Identify The Key Stakeholders


Coworkers talk to each other in the office

Next, find out who the key stakeholders are for your specific role and meet with them. For example, if you are entering a company as a finance manager, find out who the key business leaders are that you will be supporting in your position.

Take time to build relationships with them and understand their primary financial concerns. You should also take time to get to know their work routines, and the best times and ways to communicate with them. While communication is important, it's also important to respect each other's schedules.

Find A Work Buddy


Women talk to a remote coworker in the office

Another tip to help you get off on the right foot at your new job is to get a work buddy. This should be a peer who works on the same team or in the same department as you.

This person will help you figure out who's who and give you some inside information on some of those office politics. It's important to understand the team dynamic so you don't step on anyone's toes or disrupt the culture when you first get there.

Your buddy is also there for you to ask questions such as, "How do I order office supplies?" or "How do I set up my voice mailbox?"

Show Your Commitment To The Job


New employee shares a laugh with his boss

Next, have a career conversation with your boss. This lets him or her know you're serious about and committed to growing your career. When you first start working at your new company, you may not know enough (yet) to speak specifically about the career paths available there. However, take time to have a conversation with your manager about your aspirations.

Share information about your desires to advance and grow as well as specific information about your strengths and the areas you'd like to develop. Ask your manager for input on your career plan and then use it as a living, active document.

Make A 30-60-90 Day Plan


Man meets with his boss to discuss his workload

Finally, it always helps to have a 30-60-90 day plan when you start a new job. Document the details of what you want to accomplish in your first three months. (For example, the specific people you want to meet with, the tasks you want to accomplish, etc.) It also helps to share this plan with your manager so you can get some input.

There may be some things missing that your manager views as being critical to accomplish in the first 90 days. Remember to be flexible with your plan as things may change, and the objectives you set for the first three months may shift as you get more involved and learn more about your new job. You want to be seen as committed to meeting your objectives, yet flexible enough to deal with changes.

By implementing these few simple things, you can get off to a great start at your new job and quickly begin to be viewed as a value-add asset at your new company.

Need more help standing out at your new job?

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5 Reasons Why You Don’t Have Friends At Work



As humans, we need some form of social interaction (some of us more than others). However, we all do need and thrive on the simple act of connecting to people.

For the majority of us, our social fabric is created through work. We see these people every day. We have work in common. We get to know them in ways the spouses and significant others simply don't. When we leave these people due to job change, it can be painful.

Yet, despite all this social goodness that work can bring, what happens when it doesn't happen to you? What do you do when you don't have friends at work? No one to save you space at a meeting or light up when you enter a room? It happens, and when it does, there's no lonelier place to be. It can be so impactful that it can cause a person to look for another job.

Here are situations you may be facing and what you can do about them:

You're New In The Office


Young man setting up his desk in a new office.

You may think you're past due for connecting with people in a deeper way at work. Sometimes the dynamic is such that it simply takes a while and ongoing persistence to break through.

You Got Off On The Wrong Foot With Your Co-Workers


Young man getting off on the wrong foot with his coworker in the office.

It doesn't matter if you were misinterpreted. Somehow you did something right off the bat that got you sideways with many of your peers. If you did do something wrong, make amends and don't do it again.

Being the bigger person takes courage, but you will win friends. If there is nothing to make amends for, stay friendly and ignore the undertow. It will eventually fade.

The Work Cliques Are Too Strong To Penetrate


Young man looking sad at his desk as his coworkers laugh and talk behind him.

Just like high school, there are work situations where you are the outsider and will stay that way for an indefinite period of time. Most likely these people have worked together for a while and the bond is tight. They probably don't realize how unfriendly they may seem.

You need to be friendly and make efforts to get to know each person at an individual level. It may take some big work event, like a year-end close, to be the final catalyst that forms the bond. There's nothing like being in the trenches with people to nail the trust and support.

You're Not A Cultural Fit


Young woman looking sad at her desk because she's not making friends at work as quickly as she'd like.

That feels like a hard message, but it truly is not personal. We all have values and work styles we wear like a suit. They are out there for everyone to see and experience. Many times, when we aren't a cultural fit, we are out of step with the people we work with.

This makes it hard to form friendships. If you aren't a cultural fit, you need to admit it and move on. It not only won't help form friendships, but it won't help your career either.

You're An Introvert Who's Turning More Inward


Introverted young man sitting separate from his coworkers in a break room.

For an introvert, it can be tough to push yourself toward people you don't know. When an introvert is surrounded by 'strangers,' it's easy to retreat even further. You could appear kind of wonky and unapproachable, making it difficult for co-workers to approach you.

You've set up your own lonely situation and only you can make your way out. To make it less overwhelming, simply focus on one or two people with whom you feel some form of affinity, and focus on getting to know them. It will help you overall and will become a catalyst for forming more relationships.

Workplace relationships can make or break a job. They can nourish you and help you excel in your career if they are healthy workplace relationships. When those bonds are not forming, it can make you feel very lonely. But there are things you can do to improve the situation. You need patience and a friendly smile.

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How To Build Positive Workplace Relationships



Building workplace relationships is an important component of being successful in your career. This doesn’t mean you need to be completely extroverted in every situation, but it does mean you need to make an effort to get to know the people with whom you work and learn about what skills and abilities they bring to the table.

Although you are at work to do a job, it will be a much more pleasant experience if you enjoy the company of the people on your team or in your department, so try to get off to a good start.

The expression about only getting one chance to make a first impression is absolutely true, so make sure you put your best foot forward each and every time you have an opportunity to build new workplace relationships. If you’re giving your best effort every day, your co-workers will begin to realize they can depend on you to do a good job.

Also, as hard as it may be sometimes, try to have a good attitude at work. No one likes to work with someone who is constantly negative and complains about every little task.

Tips For Building Positive Workplace Relationships


Here are a few additional tips to encourage positive workplace relationships:

  • Be friendly and encouraging to co-workers.
  • Be responsible. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you’re unable to complete a task for some reason, make sure information is communicated to all team members who would be impacted.
  • If you share an office, be considerate. Find out how your office mate works and be respectful. For example, some people need to work in complete silence, while others enjoy background music. Make sure you’re not inadvertently making your office mate crazy with your personal habits.
  • Understand that people are unique and dwell on their positive qualities, not their negative qualities. It’s acceptable to not be friends with everyone, but try to at least be professional and cordial in your interactions.
  • Rise above office gossip. No one wants to earn the reputation of being the office busybody.
  • Communicate, communicate, communicate! Your co-workers are not mindreaders, so make sure you’re communicating with them and your manager on a regular basis.
Ultimately, building positive workplace relationships will make it easier to enjoy your job and grow your career. So, no matter if you work from home or in the office, remember these tips the next time you interact with your co-workers.

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How To Build Positive Workplace Relationships